For a long time-
In fact, most of my life
I just want to get what my body can\'t do.
As a child, it can\'t do handstands or wheels.
It can\'t shoot in netball.
It can\'t do off-road or swim butterflies, and it can\'t connect tennis rackets to balls.
When it was a teenager, it didn\'t seem to have the necessary way to attract the boy: It had to give me a long, thick Caterpillar eyebrow, not two ordinary eyebrows;
Even at the age of 14, it couldn\'t give me smooth and silky skin, like it, it decided to dump a bunch of silver stretch marks on my thighs and chest, because my body can\'t grow normally, like overnight, it grows too fast.
My body can\'t be thin.
It can\'t tune.
In a magazine I read religiously, it doesn\'t look like anyone else.
I think I was wrong.
On top of that, how can I explain my insecurities, eager to unlock my skin, get rid of it and start over?
It\'s not just the way I look outside.
Since I was 12 years old, I have the feeling of obsessive-compulsive disorder and depression.
My head tortures me like my stretch marks and overthe-
Chest and can\'t do exercise.
It told me that I was the worst person in the world and that I was about to die, either arrested or sent to the bin of a madman.
My head is the same as the rest of my body and doesn\'t seem to want to play.
Every part of my body seems to disappoint me.
I had hair loss when I was 17.
At the age of 19, I got a gluttony.
I found cocaine in my 20 s, which made me briefly pretend I was the one I should be.
Even in my early 30 s, when I met my husband and formed a family, my body continued the tragic pursuit of failure.
I can\'t give birth naturally.
I can\'t breastfeed.
I can\'t drink normally.
I was hopelessly overweight and weighed 105 kg when I was the heaviest. (
Note: This is not a story about losing weight.
This is a story about what we can get when we stop thinking about losing the whole time. )
Why does my body not even allow me to eat as normally as those who are balanced as I often read?
\"Will I be a functioning adult? up?
\"It\'s almost permanent, I think, in a loop.
\"Will there be a time when I don\'t feel like a complete failure?
\"Then I get a revelation that it will change the way I look at the body forever.
This prompted me to take part in the London Marathon.
Then go in and run in my underpants.
At the age of 36, I did my first handstand.
I plan to participate in the triathlon and will (hopefully)
Run the third marathon next month.
Along a trail in parts of Cotswolds.
What changed?
This: I realize I\'m not alone. loathing. Because self-
Really, what is disgust.
Not Safe
The word is too light to describe the default position most women should take physically.
Of course I know others have doubts about themselves.
I \'ve heard supermodels and movie stars talk freely about the parts they dislike the most.
If they really don\'t like their legs, what hope do the rest of us have?
I think, because I have read a lot about developing self-confidence, it is a normal way, a desire mentality.
I think, if I could get a little less of this, a little more of that, maybe I could get that magical feeling too --
Glossy models from magazine covers, billboards and movie posters feel happy and sexy to sell to me, as well as, and. . .
I don\'t know that self-confidence is just a trick. even shiny models don\'t like themselves sometimes. I don\'t know that grass is always greener and more beautiful. basically, i\'m just a multi-billion woman raised who believes they\'re either never enough or too much (
Pity the girl who is arrogant enough to appear \"full of self).
Only when I start talking about my mental health and self
Respect for me began to decline.
Write my last book, crazy girl, about my struggle with mental illness and expose me to a community of others who feel the same way as I do --
Not only has it recovered, but remarkable achievements have been made in the process.
Thanks to the book, I began to accept the possibility that the only factor that prevented me from feeling confident and happy was the negative words in my own brain.
Not a teacher who said I wouldn\'t do anything, not a bully who stole my lunch money, or someone who broke my heart. It was me.
I was sent to New York about the same time to interview Tess Holliday, a plus sign
Start using the size model of hashtag to meet the standard.
Holborn stands at the forefront of physical activism, and women traditionally ignored by mainstream media use social media to let the world know that they also exist.
I felt inspired when I left the interview, and most importantly, I represented the interview.
Neither I nor anyone else found it strange.
Under my body from 18 to 20, the tectonic plates are moving and I like the feeling.
I know that exercise will help my mental health, but I am afraid to take the first step in case some of the skinny and lovely people in lulumen laugh at me.
I never thought that the cuteness of saying thin and long legs might make her think of something else, or lulululemon made leggings for a woman as big as me (they do).
Nevertheless, at the 2017 London Marathon, the proposal of the head of the charity gave me the push I needed.
So I started my journey to prove that the best thing is often what you think you can\'t do.
When I finished the marathon in 2017, I noticed a significant increase in the number of followers on Instagram.
Every time I post a photo of the runner\'s body (
Ups and downs, bumps, very, very unstable)
, I was struck by how many things I got like: thousands.
Like everyone else, I \'ve always thought that social media is an evil way, a way to make you feel inferior.
But when women told me that there was a flood of information about running, they were encouraged to continue running (by me?
Is this really happening?
Yes, yes, yes, every day)
I\'m starting to realize that social media has given freedom to many of us.
I remember posting a photo one week after the marathon, I was wearing my grandma\'s pants and sports bra with bruised scars on my thighs and the fat mass was clearly visible.
The performance of support is so incredible that I am sure it is necessary to do more --
Taking a picture of your drooping chest in a bikini while on vacation will have incredible power, and the overwhelming response is \"you go, girl!
\"No\" uck, go away.
\"As I pay more and more attention to the body --
Positive saying, I realize that social media makes us feel like we\'re being seen for the first time, and when you feel like you\'re being seen, you\'re more likely to go out and move around.
Just then, I knew exactly what my next book was about.
This must have been an unexpected way about me starting to love my body --
Lump, chest, birthmark, etc.
How did I stop the endless negative chatter in my mind just by doing what I was most afraid --
How I got closer to my husband in the process and became a more present parent.
When I was training for the second marathon, I wrote about eating, drinking, running, and I was running with plus
Size model Jada Sezer.
Ironically, I met her on a \"influencer\" weekend and she was very surprised that I was running a marathon.
\"I never thought a girl like us would run away,\" she smiled and begged me to make another one with her.
After a while, we decided to wear underwear to show people that the runner\'s body can be in all shapes and sizes.
The response we received was incredible.
However, I was heartbroken to see how many people --
Whether it\'s a man or a woman
Look for us that day and tell us how unsafe they are.
If I need to prove that people are tired of physical negativity, then I get it on marathon day.
Of course, there are trolls.
There\'s always trolls.
Send us messages about people we are sick;
Those who say we may die;
As for how we promote obesity, the usual suspects are talking about --
Even while running a marathon
But the number of trolls is more than 30 to 1, and each negative comment will only add fire to my wobbly belly.
In the process of my growth, what I was looked down on was to be proud of myself wholeheartedly. Then self-
Love has become a radical act.
Now, people embrace the positive body in groups.
So, for the benefit of my daughter, I no longer think about what my body can\'t do.
Instead, I appreciate everything it does and what it will do in the future.
I still have no confidence but do you know what I have?
I have a body, a body with blurred functions.
I won\'t get another one so I might as well be kind to it.
Run by Brighton Gordon ,(Hachette, $38).